Heart Scars

Emotional scars are much harder to think about then physical scars mainly because of the fact that one must think back to that event to examine it. Over my almost 23 years I would say that I have had some definite emotional scars but I am sure that they worst is still to come. I do feel that everything one goes through does make them stronger for the future because everything happens for a reason. All the little things in life build you up for that one big thing that is going to come and throw you for a loop. I am sure that as I am getting older something like that will happen to me, I can't even bring myself to type an example because I feel like it will jinx it. I am weird like that I believe superstition. I could say these are the scars on my heart as of this moment in time:

My grandfather's death. He was the only grandfather I ever knew, my mom's father. My dad's dad I had only met once when I was an infant and then he was never to be seen or heard from again. My mom's father was a grandpa to me. He moved to Florida when I was a baby so I really only saw him twice a year and I was never really a phone person, but, who is as a child? He passed away only two years ago and it pains me to think that I never really had that relationship with him the way it should have been. I didn't feel as close to him as I should have. That is what leaves the biggest scar because I feel it means there is something wrong with me that his passing should have effected me more. I definitely was hurt when I heard of his passing that morning but I wasn't a mess. Was I supposed to be a mess?

Another scar, that bothers me deeply is the feeling of loss of the relationship with my parents. Mainly, my father but I feel the difference when speaking with my mother too. They always said if I moved out before I get married they would disown me as a daughter. I never would have thought that at the age of 22 they would actually not deviate quite to far from their statement when I was a child. They barely speak to me I get a hello and goodbye from my father and not much more from my mother besides coupons for food shopping. I will always feel love and greatly appreciative for the efforts they put in making me the person I am today. I would appreciate it more if I could feel prouder about the situation.