unsent letter

Dear Dad,

I just want to you know how I feel about our past and current situation. You were always so hard and strict with me. I understand you may have had your reasons for that when I was a child but I don't think that you ever realized that I grew up. You always worked so hard to support our family and still do and I will always appreciate that. I remember having to wave through the glass at night to say goodnight to you because you were outside working all night, even after you got home from work. I think I always just listened to you because I think you deserve that respect for all your hard work throughout your life and all of the hardships you encountered with your father.

I never understood why you laid down so many rules for me as a grown up. As a child and impressionable teen I could understand you were trying to keep me out of trouble by not letting me out at night, with friends and such. But as I grew up even up until this year you still had so many restraints on me and I still had not rebelled. Yes, I have tried talking to you about it but I never just did what I wanted because I felt that would be disrespectful. I did always tell you that I would move out if things did not change around the house. For I am twenty-two years old and to have a 1:30am curfew was a little ridiculous, along with the fact that you had to know where I was at every moment, and if plans changed I would get yelled at or the silent treatment for a few days when I got home.

Now we are at the point, where I moved out of the house. I never thought I would finally build up enough courage and strength to do it, but I have. A big part of that strength is knowing that I have Gerard. I think that you believe that as well, which is part of the reason you can't look at him in the eye when we visit. I understand that you don't approve of my decision of moving out. But, you need to realize that I am a grown individual that is capable of this and just because I am not married doesn't mean I should be living at home. Now you are willing to do anything for me to come home and i just don't understand it. If you would have just been understanding all the years I begged you to this may have been a little different. I think that you realize this too which is what bothers you about the situation.

You should not be treating me the way you do. When I come over to visit alone or with Gerard you don't speak to me or us. All you do is say hello and goodbye if that. I am your daughter I think I deserve a little more than that. Just because I have moved out of the house, not the way you approve, doesn't mean you should be acting like you don't give a shit about me anymore. I am in love with a great man and I would love for you to get to know him too. It would mean everything to me for us all to be one big, close family one day and that is still capable of happening if you let it and stop being so stubborn. Please just try to realize that I am happy and try to want to be a part of my new life because I need you in it.

Love always,

Pamela